The Importance of Relationships




The Importance of Relationships

by Olga Hermans

The other day I heard somebody say, “The more I get to know some people, the better I like my dog.” It shook me for a minute, but then I thought…in some cases that might be true. Last weekend I was in a large crowd of people and really met the most interesting people from all walks of life. I love that!

But I must say, some people are sometimes just a little obnoxious if you know what I mean. God must have a sense of humor because He puts us all together in one place and wants us to realize that we need each other. He wants us to know the power of relationships; He works through people like you and me to get us where we need to be. So, let’s have a look at the importance of relationships the way God meant it to be.

In the first chapters of Genesis, you can read that God created and then you always can read: “and God saw that it was good”. But then when He created man, He said something different. He looks at man and says, “It is not good…” Genesis 2:18

He didn’t say that man wasn’t good, but that the situation he was in wasn’t good. That is a profound statement that God made, because He says here that He created man to need more than just a relationship with God. He created us to need each other. It wasn’t that God was lacking or not able to be all we needed, but that He designed us to need each other.

God did not create Eve immediately after He said: “…I will make him a helper” Genesis 2:18 But God didn’t forget what He was doing, He knew what Adam needed, but Adam didn’t. So, God brought the animals in front of Adam to make him aware of his need. As Adam began to name them, he began to realize that all the animals had others like them but he had no one to like himself.

God was able to alert to his need as well as to establish the fact in Adam’s mind that nothing on this planet could meet that need except another person. If Eve would have shown up before Adam knew he needed her, he might have marked off the garden as his and not let Eve in.

“So, God caused a deep sleep to fall upon man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh at that place.” Notice that God did not go back to the dust of the earth to create Eve. He took what He needed out of Adam’s side without replacing what He took, and then He finished Eve.

When Adam awoke, a part of him was missing. Part of his spiritual, emotional, and physiological makeup was gone and he sensed it. He was now even more incomplete and alone! When God finally brought Eve to him, Adam called her wo-man!

Sometimes, people think that needing others, or having to depend upon others, is a sign of weakness. Our society teaches us that independence equals strength, when just the opposite is true. It takes great strength to get along with others. You need to have a lot of inward flexibility and plain common sense to stay in relationships; trust God to help you and negotiate the differences. All it takes is a well developed attitude of selfishness to run out and do your own thing. There is a lot of that going on these days.

God created us with a need for others. The need for meaningful relationships was not a result of man’s fall into sin. Our desire for relationships was the plan and will of God. We were designed to need each other before the fall! In fact, we fulfill God’s created order when we recognize that need.

I am not saying that we should smother our relationships; people have been abused or abandoned by others and often carry the pain of old relationships into new ones. They often try to get people in new relationships to make-up for all the evil that has been done to them previously. The true meaning for relationships is not a devouring, damaging, suffocating thing. It is a mutual supportive expression.

People who have been hurt need to learn how to forgive those who have offended them in the past so that they not poison their future relationships with the pain of past ones.

God created us as wonderful beings, as the crown of His creation. He created us with a will and with an intellect. He created us with the power to choose because He didn’t want to force us to serve Him. God wanted us to have the free choice whether or not to walk with Him. But how is God going to let us know how He feels about us? Do you remember how God reached out to Adam and how He communicated His love for Adam? How was God to tell Adam His plans, dreams and purposes for him?

How was God able to tell Adam how much He loved him? How could Adam understand love? That’s why God gave man the ability to love and to need others. Though relationships are NOT God’s primary way of revealing Himself; we need to take it serious. When our relationships are perverted, they will hinder us in our life in everything that we do and desire to accomplish.

How well are your relationships doing? Tell us in the comment section what stood out to you in this post.

You can get my eBook: The Power of Relationships by clicking here



How to Manage Your Happiness by Keeping Yourself Sane

God Does Not Want You To Sacrifice Your Happiness To Keep Somebody Else Happy


How to Manage Your Happiness by Keeping Yourself

By Olga Hermans


Oh, how important it is to keep yourself happy and not be living to please everybody else. How easy we can get in that habit of taking on a false sense of responsibility, thinking that it is our job to keep everybody happy. Of course, it is always good to reach out to others and to try to help as many people as possible.

Do you sense the “but” coming? Too often, though, we get out of balance. We’re doing everything for everybody else, but we’re not taking the time to keep ourselves healthy and happy. God does not want you to sacrifice your happiness to keep somebody else happy.

Your first priority is to take care of yourself. I don’t mean to the extent of being selfish and only me, me, me. That is not what I am saying, but I am saying that you cannot be responsible for someone else’s poor choices. If you do, before long, that person will be controlling you and manipulating you.

I think we all know how that feels. God has not called you to be unhappy simply to keep somebody else happy. Truth is, some people don’t want to be helped; they don’t want to change. They just like the attention. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for somebody like that is not to help them.

I remember the time with my oldest sister, who lives in The Netherlands and is mentally ill. I don’t know how she did it, but she could make me feel so guilty if I wouldn’t do that particular thing that pleased her. A few years ago there was a time that I called her every day at the same time and spoke scriptures into her mind. She so enjoyed it and it looked like she was doing so much better.

Anyway, my husband and I were going to a conference in Dallas. She told me how afraid she was to not have me call her and this and that. So, ok I told her I would call every day. I think the 2nd or 3rd time I called her at our agreed time to hear from the front desk that she had gone to a movie. That was the moment that I started to realize I had to do things differently although she was mentally ill.

Life is too short to go through it being controlled and manipulated by people who refuse to make good choices on their own. You are not responsible for everybody else’s happiness. If people are controlling you, it’s not their fault; it’s your fault. You must learn to set some boundaries. Quit allowing them to call you at all hours of the day and night to dump their problems on you.

Many people are all upset, frustrated and discouraged because they’ve made a wrong choice of taking on way too much responsibility for somebody close to them who won’t do what is right. They carry a heavy load, trying to keep someone else happy.

You can be free from all that if you will just give those people to God. Quit trying to be the keeper of the universe. That is not your job. Of course, is not easy at first. My decision towards my sister was very hard on me, but I had to do it. I am not talking about selfish or self-centeredness. We should be givers and care for each other. But there is a big difference between giving and allowing somebody to control you and make you feel guilty until you do what they want.

To reduce stress, be aware of high-maintenance people in your life. Some people are almost impossible to keep happy. Maybe this is a turning point for you. If you have been living to please everybody else, or constantly trying to fix everything, rid yourself of that false sense of responsibility. Yes, be kind and compassionate and yes you should reach out to others. It’s like the saying that says: “you can’t help anybody who won’t help themselves”.

You gotta run your race and not let people control you and manipulate you; you will not only have less stress and more time and energy, but I also believe you will be much happier, and you will be free to fulfill the best plan that God has for you.

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Characteristics of Friendship – What It Takes to Be a True Friend

Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget. — G. Randolf

We are all in need of great friends, isn’t it? We have friends that we have polite chats with, and then there are our best friends. They’re the people who root for you, no matter what. You tell them your deepest, darkest secrets, and instead of heading for the door, they stick around and your bond with them grows stronger.

My friend and my daughter has a blog about friendship and I asked her to be our guest today with one of her posts. I truly hope you enjoy it as much as I did; you can go over to her blog and let her know @ Frienship Spice; don’t forget to let us know here on the Choice Driven Life as well, ok?

Characteristics of Friendship –
What It Takes to Be a True Friend

by Josephine Hermans

Best Friends

EVERYBODY wants a true friend. Friendship makes the world go ’round. If it weren’t for friends we’d all be a bunch of lonely people living for ouselves, no one to give to, no one to look out for, no one to share memories with, not even anyone to talk to. Friendship gives us purpose. If it wasn’t for people around us, we would be living out of ourself and living for ourself, how boring is that. So here are a few characteristics that make up a true friendship. A friendship you need to invest in, and which you can expect to receive from.

* Balance.
A friendship is a two-way street. The responsibility of a true friendship cannot lie heavier on one side than the other. You cannot keep receiving without giving.  You cannot keep giving without receiving. We are not tallying up brownie points here, but there does need to be give-and-take mentality. If there is no balance, the friendship won’t last long. Meet in the middle. Don’t expect your friend to always call you, to always come to your knick of the woods, to hang out at your house. Initially at the start of a friendship you may see yourself or someone else investing more into the friendship, but eventually it will need to balance out. There needs to be a balance so that each person feels free to share, enjoy, and be themselves as they both have the same amount of “stock” in the relationship. If there is no balance, you or the other may find yourself holding back, holding grudges, or even having bitterness.

* Loyalty.
Loyalty provides and instills trust in a relationship. Once loyalty has been proven, trust is given to the other person. Once you have sacrificed something in order to stay loyal to the friendship, a deeper connection is released. A connection of trust in which both persons are able to lay down barriers or walls and feel free to be themselves or show secrets, because a more safe environment is created. Also, an appreciation for the sacrifice and in turn the friendship is established which creates a stronger bond.

* Honesty.
Honesty is needed for several reasons. First of all, you cannot build anything on lies, especially not a true friendship or any sort of relationship. Honesty about who you are, where you come from, what you believe, what you stand for are all important aspects that give a true picture of who you are to your friend. Honesty is also needed in times when “tough love” is needed.  As a true friend, you are in a position to help steer the direction of your friends’ life, and being honest about certain decisions your friend is making can help save them a bad investment, a bad relationship, a bad career choice or even saving them from embarrassment!  The opinions of true friends are taken in deep regard, so be honest about your opinions instead of necessarily telling your friend what you think they want to hear.

* Common interests.
I have seen pairs of friends who don’t look like they “should” be best friends, but in reality, they have common interests and common grounds for why they like to spend time with each other.  You can have friends that have different political beliefs, religious beliefs, different interests, but a true friend has a common ground that you respect and therefore you want to give this person a higher position of influence in your life. You believe in what they believe. They are at a place you want to be in life. They have values you appreciate and want to have in your own life. Common interests can also be certain hobbies you have, like volunteering, sports, music, travelling, or whatever. If one of you wants to spend most of their time cooking at home and adventuring in the kitchen, and the other much prefers to go out and be around people, it can become a point of tension which will create a limit on the friendship. Therefore, common interests and activities are needed.

* Time.
True friendship isn’t established overnight. Time is needed to get to know each other, create memories, and share life experiences which all draw friends closer to each other and create a closer bond. Both people involved need to want to invest time to see each other, do activities together, drinking coffee, talking, travelling, shopping, getting to know their family etc. to get to understand your friend. The time you spend together and get to know each other, the more you appreciate their opinions and the more you become a “go-to” friend for doing fun things, or calling up when honest advice is needed.

SoooO,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Many People Will Walk
,,,(,,,,),,,,,Oooo,,,,,In & Out Of Your Life,
,,,,,,(,,,,,,,(,,,,),,,,, But Only Real True? Friends,
,,,,,_),,,,,,,),,/,,,,,, Will Leave Footprints In Your Heart
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,(_/,,,,,,,, & Memories That You Will Hold Locked Inside Forever

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4 Reasons Why Have Right Relationships For Life

What is the ONE thing that you can take with you when you leave this earth? Not your money! Not your possessions!

Right Relationships For Life

But relationships, people that we are connected with in the gospel and in the Kingdom of God here on this earth, they are not going to end; we will take our relationship with us into heaven. Have you ever thought about it that way? Our relationships are very important!

Heb 13:15-16 By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name. But to do good and to communicate forget not: for with such sacrifices God is well pleased.

So, your first communication is with God. God wants you to talk to Him and to praise Him. He is not on an ego trip; He just knows that when you get your mind off from your problems and you start worshipping Him that he can work in your life. God never quits believing in you, no matter what is happening.

Then He talks about relationships with other people, with others around you, your family but also with other people around you. He tells us not to forget to communicate. Fellowship with one another.

God shows us in His word that we are in need of relationships. People can fail us, people sometimes don’t meet our expectations, sometimes people are rough around the edges, we need them, we need people and we need relationship around our life. No man is an island to himself. God created us with this need for relationships in our life.

You know, in the day we are living in it is sometimes hard for people to have relationships. People get real busy, they are busy in providing for their family and they are going from here to there and they feel that they don’t have time for relationships. But God wants to have relationships that can speak into our lives and receive from, but also relationships that we can give into. It is not always that we only can take from relationship; we have to give into relationships as well.

We live in a society right now that is very self-focused, self-centered; what is in it for me? If I can benefit from this relationship, I’ll be in it but if I don’t benefit than I am not in it. Some of your relationships are not going to be about you! Some of your relationships are going to be about other people.

We in a technological society, many people have learned to communicate through Facebook. I met some great people on facebook, but if we just rely on facebook and we have no other relationships around our life we can experience moments that we feel alone. It is very important that we make the effort that we not be alone, because the devil wants to take people out in this hour. When the devil can get people apart from other people that are able to speak into their lives, he can start speaking to them. He is a liar; he speaks lies and begins to convince them that they are not valuable or because of all these things, you might as well end your life. Those are lies. The enemy wants to destroy us. Jesus came to give us life! So, we have to make an effort to have relationships.

More than ever we need more than these on the surface relationships with people; we need to have some deep level communication. How do you find those relationships? First you have to be around people until you feel comfortable with being around them and you sense in your heart that they have a same heart for God and a same spirit of humility and desire for a relationship like you do. Then you will find people that can sharpen you, like iron sharpens iron.

You are around people until you locate those kind of people that you can open up with, we all need it.

There is a football player Brady James from Dallas Cowboys; he shared in his testimony how he had to break off wrong relationships in order to follow Jesus Christ. 1 Cor. 15:33 says “don’t be deceived, wrong relationships can corrupt good morals”. He saw that in his life, so he had to change his relationships in order to have relationships that were going to help him.

Let me close here with 4 Facts of the importance of right relatedness

1. It will protect and deliver you – 1 Corinthians 15:33 – “Do not be deceived: ‘Evil company corrupts good habits.’”

2.  It will see us through hard times and give us the ability to then help others – 2

Corinthians 1:4 Message – “He comes alongside us when we go though hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us.”

3.  It will provide accountability in our lives.

4.  It will help us get past hurts and forgive others and be reconciled where there have been broken relationships – Matthew 18:15-20, Isaiah 1:18.