Four Ways To Receive and Process Rebuke
Without Bitterness

Rebuke is a curious, yet serious, word. It’s not used much outside of church circles.

I have taken inspiration for this post from Sparkling Gems from the Greek, November 6 (www.renner.org). The author, Rick Renner, approaches this topic from the perspective of having the integrity to confront a person who has offended you. I will instead examine it from the outlook of the one who is being corrected.

Quite honestly, just thinking about being rebuked makes me want to recoil. Isn’t that what Believers are always doing to Satan? Yet, I know that at times, I offend others both knowingly and unknowingly. It’s one thing to be called out from within my family, and quite another to be confronted by a friend or stranger.

Pastor Renner’s devotional, titled Confront, Forgive and Forget, inspired me to reflect back on the last time I was personally rebuked by someone outside of my family. The Holy Spirit taught me a lot from that experience which I want to share here. It is important that I clarify that this post is not about corrective actions that fall under the category of church discipline. We will discuss Believers rebuking fellow Believers. But, first things first, let’s define the biblical meaning of rebuke.

What Does Rebuke Mean?

Perhaps the thought of being rebuked is uncomfortable because I am thinking of the dictionary definition: “to express sharp disapproval or criticism of (someone) because of their behavior or actions.” That implies a harshness that is intended to wound the person being rebuked. The biblical meaning is quite different.

Pastor Renner does a beautiful job explaining the meaning of the word rebuke found in Luke 17:3. He says, “The word “rebuke” is the Greek word epitimao, which in this case means to speak frankly, honestly, and politely as you tell a person how you feel that he has wronged you. This doesn’t mean you have to speak to him like he’s a devil; it just means you need to directly and honestly confront him.”

The underlying motivation of the first is to strike out at the person being rebuked and thus harm the relationship. The underlying motivation of the second is to clear the air, and to restore the relationship to wholeness.

This topic is controversial because of the potential for the abuse of rebuking and also because, by nature, we are defensive when confronted. It is our nature to strike out. When someone corrects us, even in the most loving way, it takes a manifestation of the fruit of the Spirit to remain open and grounded. However, when we ask, God always provides a way for us to productively receive and process rebuke.

Productive Ways To Receive And Process Rebuke

The suggestions offered here have two overarching goals: to honor God and to guard against a root of bitterness. I can’t overemphasize the importance of immediately and routinely rooting out thoughts that would lead to bitterness. In my experience, it is extremely painful and difficult to eradicate bitterness, once left unchecked and deeply rooted.

• Center Yourself in the Holy Spirit

In any situation in which you are caught off-guard, or begin to feel emotional, train yourself to make your spirit aware of the Holy Spirit. This practice is so vital, yet under used. In essence you are praying, asking for His help in responding in the moment and beyond. What a comfort and encouragement it is to know the Helper and Comforter is right there with you, helping you to respond appropriately. Although it is done without speaking, it is powerful. The times I have, on the spot, asked God to help me to see the situation/person as He does, are the times I have been able to respond supernaturally, beginning with assuming the best about the person’s motives.

• Assume the Best

If you will take the position that the other person truly wants to make the relationship better, you can appreciate them for their candor in addressing the issue rather than letting it grow into a root of bitterness. It’s fairly natural to receive rebuke with defensiveness – especially if it’s delivered imperfectly. But we have the Holy Spirit as our helper to assess our part in causing the offense and to help us respond with the right attitude. And remember: “Our struggle is not against flesh and blood…” (Ephesians 6:12).

• Join Forces Against Your Common Adversary – Not Each Other

The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10) and that includes relationships. Satan is the author of strife and loves to see Believers take offense. If you can be in agreement with the other person that you both want to restore wholeness to the relationship, it takes you out of a victim’s role. The person rebuking you is not your enemy. When both parties yield to God, relationships can be strengthened by dealing with the grievance instead of burying issues and pretending they don’t exist. Once the grievance has been aired and you are working together to resolve it, it’s time to seek and accept forgiveness and mercy.

• Seek and Receive Forgiveness and Mercy

Sometimes we are guilty of offense. Sometimes it’s a misunderstanding. And sometimes it’s just a matter of different personal styles of relating. At times, repentance and a change in attitude is called for. Other times, it’s appropriate to apologize in acknowledgement of what the other person is feeling. Sometimes, two people must agree to act in love toward each other despite personal style differences. Whichever the case, genuinely seek forgiveness and receive it. Follow your Heavenly Father’s example and then forgive yourself. Your heart is free. You have asked for forgiveness and received God’s mercy. Don’t mentally rehash it. Don’t continually talk about it. Consider the matter settled. Move on.

To Sum It Up

The meaning of rebuke implies a direct and honest confrontation. A rebuke can be personally and spiritually productive when we center ourselves in the Holy Spirit, assume the best of the other person, join forces against our common adversary, and seek and receive forgiveness. In doing so we honor God and guard against a root of bitterness.

Four Ways to Embrace Your Purpose

What is purpose?

Purpose is why God placed each of us here on earth. Our purpose is always related to serving others. If we are in service, we must be in faith that we are in the right place at the right time. In other words, we must be aware that we are strategically placed. And that’s why we should see our circumstances, no matter where we find ourselves today, as an opportunity for God’s purposes to be revealed. Here are four ways to build your faith about your God-given purpose.

1. See yourself as strategically placed

Strategy is a plan or a method to accomplish a desired end. As Believers, we have the privilege of taking part in God’s strategic plan. The Book of Esther is a perfect illustration of how one woman’s individual purpose was woven into God’s eternal strategy. Esther was strategically placed. And her cousin Mordecai reminded Esther of this truth when he said, “And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this “(Esther 4:14).

Others may have thought she became the king’s wife because of her beauty. They may have thought she came to be queen because of her cousin’s connections with the king’s chamberlain. But Esther realized that God placed her in her circumstances for a greater purpose than attaining high status, living in beautiful surroundings, and wearing pretty clothes. She understood that she was strategically positioned to do something others couldn’t.

And you? Are there things that others can’t do for God, because they’re not in your place? Others may look at you and think you are where you are because of your education, intelligence or connections. But that’s not how our God works. You are able to do what others can’t, because they are not in your place. And that leads us to the second point: Purpose can’t wait for you to get where you think you should be. Purpose is now.

2. Connect your purpose to where you are today

You’ll never be a person of purpose if you’re just passing through. God has specifically positioned you to take part in His strategy. Whatever you’re doing right now, that’s success waiting to happen. In the story of Esther, we read that at the hour of her purpose, the king had not summoned Esther for 30 days.

Although Esther had a position in the court, for whatever reason, she was not in day-to-day contact with the king. From her perspective, her position was not perfect. It could have been better if she had been in more recent contact with the king. But she had a position – she was still queen. Esther didn’t try to wriggle out of her mission and wait for a better time. Because she was connected to God’s purpose of saving the Jewish people, risking her life, she approached the king at just the right time. Let’s now consider our third point: Purpose will sometimes require us to take risks.

3. Be willing to risk everything

Today most Christians don’t live in cultures, as Esther did, that call for them to put their lives on the line. But we do face the loss of our reputations, rejection, and failure.

Esther could have lost her life by approaching the king without an invitation. Short of losing her life, she could have been banished from the king’s presence for her misconduct of approaching him uninvited. That would have meant a loss of reputation. Although not comparable to the loss of life, the loss of our good name can be particularly distressing when it’s unjust and beyond our control. For example, your purpose may be to home school your children and your friends don’t approve. You have lost your standing with them. Of course, loss of reputation is often inter-twined with rejection by others.

The king could have rejected Esther. Being rejected because of our purpose may be the most unnerving of all the risks. Have you ever talked yourself out of sharing the Gospel, applying for a job, or undertaking an educational program because you feared being rejected? You may have even experienced a physical sensation of extreme discomfort. We must overcome the risk of rejection to experience our purpose. The looming possibility of failure is another risk we must be willing to take.

From Esther’s limited perspective, failure was a possibility. The king could have sided with his advisors and had the Jews put to death. Whether we fail publicly or privately it’s unsettling. If we have been open and visible in our purpose, failure may even feel like the death of our purpose. But God is bigger than our failures. Our purposes are central to His will. He causes all things to work together for good. Sometimes it’s only a matter of timing.

4. Be willing to wait for the appointed time

Be aware that some aspects of purpose are not revealed until God’s appointed time. Esther was not in the limelight at her appointed time. She had been sequestered with the rest of the king’s wives, going about her daily routine. Have you ever been in the wilderness of the day-to-day grind wondering what in the world God has in store for you? Don’t give up and think you have it all wrong! Stay steady and confident that as God’s strategy unfolds, your purpose will be further revealed. And now to summarize:

The Book of Esther contains mystery, intrigue, and romance, but most importantly it demonstrates what we must do to embrace our God-given purpose:

• See yourself as strategically placed
• Connect your purpose to where you are today
• Be willing to risk everything
• Be willing to wait for the appointed time

What step will you take today to embrace your purpose? Esther saved a nation. Rouse yourself to embrace your position and purpose in God’s eternal strategy.

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